Friday, March 9, 2012

I'll get you

One of the Blogs that I follow..I may have mentioned it a few times...Unicorn Bell, put up a prompt the other day for Evil Villains. (I'm paraphrasing...but that's ok.)

Now, when I saw this prompt my immediate thought was "Crap, got nothin'." Cause, well. Got nothin'. I've never been great at writing the 'Evil' into my stories. I've been good at writing the horror, which is not the same. I'm great at gore, and guts and dismemberment! WOO! But evil? That takes a subtlety and planning and a twisted psychosis that one has to have gone to an all girls private school out in the boonies to have acquired. But I thought I'd give it a go...which leads me to another dilemma. I'm writing this book in bits and snippets! Hmm! I wonder if there's an editor out there that will take a whole bunch of shorts and just go, HEY! Look! What a great book you have...just move this here, and that there...Voila! BAM! A book! Right...  Anyway..  This is what I came up with. It's a scene that I knew would happen. The characters do exist. Let me know your thoughts!  The prompt is...

"Give me someone I just want to love to hate. The right culmination of action, description, dialogue, exposition, or narration will help you to accomplish this task. You don’t have to use all of these fiction-writing tricks, though these bonus kudos are yours if you do. Just remember that I really want to hate (in a good way) the characters you come up with!"

My response to this was...

“Just breathe. The pain will cease presently I assure you.” Livinia turned away from the small girl strapped to the stainless steel table and picked up a long glass tube, capped with a needle. Keeping her back to the girl she spoke in soothing tones.
“Now Cretha. We’ve been through this before. It’s all about the blood, darling. We’ve tried everything we can to get the machines to run on just a modicum of your cells. But it’s the blood sweetness...”  She turned back to the shivering girl whose eyes widened at the sight of the implement. Livinia bared her teeth in a mockery of a smile.”Oh, Please. You didn’t honestly believe I would give a shit about keeping you alive though this do you?” Cretha started crying silently behind the thick woolen cloth that was clamping her tongue to the floor of her mouth. Tears streaming from her wide brown eyes.
Working quickly, Livinia drew a bleached cloth from a pocket of her scrubs tying it tightly around Cretha’s biceps. After a few seconds she slapped the inside of her elbow and nodded to herself. Then, in one quick movement she jabbed the entire needle directly into the throbbing jugular in her neck. Leaning in close, she whispered to the quickly weakening girl. “Sweet Cretha. Darling Cretha. Know that your blood, your special blood is being used to power the world, sweet child. To power those machines that you so hated! That your father, and brother gave their lives fighting against! You stupid, stupid dead child.” With one final laugh, she removed the overflowing syringe, threw it in the garbage and left the cold, sterile room.  

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Lock me up and throw away the key?


  1. Holy crap! That's dark. That's evil.
    That's GOOD.

    I would read on ...

    1. Thanks! It's interesting trying to write 'evil' without it being over the top and just cheesy..! I hope to have something that people can read on to soon :)

  2. Woah! So funny--I just posted on villains in books. The most effective ones have that mix of dark and light. You got it in this SCARY little story! Agh!

    1. It must be the full moon..seems to be a common theme running about the blogosphere right now! This is actually a scene in a much larger story...that I'm piece-mealing together. Hopefully it will stitch itself together at some point. That IS how books happen right? They just write themselves? :P Blargh.

  3. I'll just echo Diane and add that I loved this. That is one cold evil bitch.


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