Confessions of a *cough*Middle Age*cough* Blogger

I have Road Rage.

Oh baby. And let me tell you. Living in the Mid Coast Maine? Lincoln County is the Oldest (age wise) County in this state. Joy. And no, I don't have ANYTHING against the elderly driving. I know several elderly people that are speed demons. You know. 45, 50 miles per hour. Wicked fast.

sigh.

Anyway. See. I was driving along Rt. 1, which for those that don't know is the main corridor in this area. The. Main. Corridor. As in really the only way to get from point A to point B in any realistic length of time. The speed limit on Rt. 1 is 55. Not 33. Not 40. FIFTY FIVE.

Sigh.

Also. There is a breakdown lane that is about as wide as the traveling lane. This is good for merging into if you are going to be making a right hand turn. OR if there is a car in the traveling lane stopped to make a left hand turn, you can keep traveling at speed, into the breakdown lane, and just go around them. It's called Maintaining the Flow of Traffic! You do NOT STOP in the traveling lane and then Turn Right! As well...you do not sit behind a car waiting to turn left. Waiting. Waiting. As I sit behind you. And then three cars sit behind me. And suddenly there is a WHOLE LINE of traffic that can't go anywhere because you didn't just go AROUND them in the first place.

Sigh.

And since WHEN did the whole "Slower Traffic Pull to the Right" when going up hills thing go out of vogue? There is a pretty long hill right as you come into town. It's two lanes going up so that slower mini-van traffic can pull over and let faster, better Subaru drivers (ie: Me) go by and get to their appointments on time. However. This only works if people play by the rules. Which they don't. What the hell is going on? I'm not laying on my horn! Maybe I should! I'm not flashing my lights! Maybe I should! I'm probably cursing at you quite vociferously and pirate like as I crawl ever slower up the hill. Because your silly little 1.2 liter automatic mini-van engine can't handle being hauled up that MASSIVE hill. Lately I've been tempting fate and passing them on the right. But it's only a matter of time before that all goes badly.

Sigh.

And can we all please...Please. PLEASE. Please. Just agree when going through the light down here at the end of  my road to just wait for me to go first. You know the one. The one that you don't know how to turn left at because you've never quite figured out that if there is another car, from the other direction turning left as well...you don't need to go around each other. Really? How. The. Hell. Does that even happen??? ??? Holy Mother of GOD!  It's simple. Really. It's a HUGE intersection people. You cross in Front of each other. Get it?! Yikes.

Sigh.

Anyway. I was driving along Rt. 1...looked down at my speedometer and realized that I was going 25. Looked in my rear view and saw a LINE of cars...at least nine...behind me. The car in front of me? A Buick from Florida with a veteran plate. Seriously. Not to sound 'age-ist'. But if you cannot maintain the speed limit, which right there was 55, I would argue that you should not be driving. I am all for elder rights, and them having their freedom and all of that. But obviously, if he's (and yes it was a he, cause I passed him) going that slow, he obviously doesn't feel comfortable or safe driving anymore.

Sigh.
And No. I don't have a solution to this. Feel free to school me. :)

Thunderstorms a'brewin'

Oh the audacity! The Nerve! I can't even...*splutter* ...it's....humph...

*Rant ahead*

Not much gets under my skin more then people who bully. People who assume their situation is the only space in the universe that matters. I know I don't usually (ever) talk about my job here...but I had a very frustrating phone call happen the other day and I needed to clear the air.

First of all. Is it even conceivable, in this, for lack of a better term, Day and Age, that someone NOT have access to a computer with internet capability? Seriously? If all else fails, the Library? But I get ahead of myself.

There was a "person of interest" quick article of me, in a local here. :) Just a quick bit. On the last page the story gave my contact info for my business. (This is important, trust me.) My phone number, email, and webpage. All good information to have! Yay!

I get a phone call, while I'm driving, from a woman who wanted information about the type of massage I do. Easy enough. She had read the article but couldn't find the FIRST PAGE of the article. The Second page was where all the contact information was so I told her about the webpage. She interrupts me and says very annoyed that she won't be going on to a computer to get any information about my business. Not that she doesn't have access but almost like she won't be bothered. Then she asks me to send her information about my business to her through the mail.  Um, ok? Now I'm confused a bit. So I told her I was driving and could I please call her back in a bit. Sure no problem. She was fine with that.

A couple of hours later, in the midst of a big thunderstorm, which I didn't think anything about, I tried calling her back.

Call 1: Her: Hello!! Yes! Do you have a piece of paper you can write on?
Me: (I'm catching about every other word of this...) I'm sorry you're breaking up...Did you say you needed information on the type of massage I do? (I'm thinking I can just simply answer her questions over the phone...)
Her: Yes! You need to mail it to me!
Me: I need to...
Disconnected

Call 2: Her: Hello? Hello! Yes you need to write my address down. I need you to send me information about your business.
Me: I can just answer your...
Disconnected

Call 3: Me: Are you on a cell phone?
Her: I don't understand why you keep hanging up on me. Do you have a pen and paper there to take down my address?
Me: *Sigh* Sure. Go ahead.
Her: It...Disconnected.

At this point I thought maybe it was my phone so I called my mother in law had a great perfectly crystal clear conversation with her for about 5 minutes . Then put my big girl panties on and called this...person...back.

Call 4: Her: Yes. I'm sorry this is NOT a good time for ME right now. And Obviously you are having a really hard time taking my information down so...good by. *Hang up*.

I had a really REALLY hard time not calling her right back and saying something not very pleasant to this woman.

Oi. People. Sometimes. Sometimes it's just a thunderstorm, you know?

Disturbingly Oily

I had a very disturbing day a few days ago.

Disturbing because I thought, all innocent like, that we had moved beyond this issue. I truly thought it was something that I could put my culinary mind at rest about. But, alas. Apparently not. People still do not understand the different uses for the variety of oils out there. They, amazingly, still think getting one "EVOO" (May you burn in a bath of it Rachael Ray) is perfectly acceptable for all uses in the kitchen.

Sigh.

Stop it! Just STOP!

Ok. First of all. No self respecting Chef goes about in the kitchen saying "EVOO". They just don't. I think they would probably be taken to the walk-in and stabbed quietly a few times if they did. So Stop it. Now. It's a redundancy. If you have Olive Oil in your kitchen. It better be extra virgin. Or you lose your chef card.

Moving On.

There are SO Many different Oils to cook with it's ridiculous. Nut oils. Grape Seed oils. Different Olive oils. All dependent on what you want to do. How high of a temp you want to cook with.

Quick run down of a very few...

Nut Oils:  Great for high high temp cooking. Like Saute. They have a very high temp burn point. Meaning that you can get them up to a really high temperature before your pan bursts into flames if you forget to put something (like the food you're cooking) into it. You can see the burn point of an oil by carefully watching for the slight shimmer of the oil in the pan, then it starts to smoke a little. That's the burn point.  Nut Oils get really hot before they do this. They're great for seasoning cast iron pans for just this reason. However. If you have a nut allergy. DO NOT USE! Grape seed Oils are the next best thing.

Grape Seed Oils: Again. High Burn Point. Lighter flavor then nut oils. They don't have the allergy issues. Some people feel they are too fruity.

Coconut Oil: This has a med burn point. But it's great for baking. You can use it for sauteing, because it does impart a wonderful flavor, but you have to be careful. Quick. Have your prep done.

Mmmm. Tasty...

Olive Oil: Extra Virgin. The workhorse of the kitchen. However. The Beauty of Olive Oil is the surprising depth of flavor in the small 'vineyard' offerings. Much like wine, olive oil has different flavors if it is handled and stored differently. So this is a great way to have a cheap, healthy salad oil on hand for the summer. Find a local Co-op, or Specialty store. Do an olive oil tasting. I'm not kidding. You will be amazed at the range of flavors.

Also. Light and heat are not a great way to store your oils. So right out there by your stove top? Bad. Unless you use them at a rapid rate. I generally get a big can of Olive Oil, and transfer to a more useable container that I keep by my stove top. But the main can is kept in a cool dark place. You know your oil, Any type of oil, has gone bad when it smells rancid. Smell it. Does it smell like car oil? Or Gasoline? Or Vaseline? It's gone bad. Throw it away. There is nothing you can do. No secret culinary tricks. Just throw it away.

And not down the sink, idiot. That will clog your drain.

So the guy next to me in line at the grocery store said, "Just get the Crisco Brand Olive Oil, we can put that on the salads. It all tastes the same."

First of all. Crisco makes an Olive Oil?! Second of all, CRISCO MAKES AN OLIVE OIL!?

Kill me.

T - Taste

*commence rant*
Something I do not miss from my Cheffing days?
Special orders. Holy Crap. What the hell is up with people going to a fine dining restaurant, looking over the menu and saying to themselves. “Gee. It all looks so good! Except I’m really in the mood for just some steamed haddock and a couple of blanched carrots. You can do that right? You don’t mind?” Yes. Yes I do mind! 

Why did you come out to eat if you just wanted something so ridiculous? And I’m not just randomly choosing something as an example.  Nine times out of ten, a special order would be a piece of poached or steamed white fish with some sauteed veggies on the side. No starch please! Oh, and just a little bit of lemon if you could. ARGH. 

I just liked the design of this...Never eaten here.

How about this. How about you look at the menu. Go ahead. Look at it. I know you can read. Now. See all those things listed on it? Those are the choices! Choose one of those! These were put together after many hours of testing and research. They represent long nights spent after the restaurant closes trying to figure out new dishes that work well together. Foods that pair well with wines, that pair well with the appetizers, and the desserts. And in you come with your “simple little request”. It may seem like a minor little thing to you, and if I hear one more person spout off about the customer always being right I may lose it...But it’s not a minor little thing. And I’m not talking about food allergies, obviously that’s a different beast. This is just pure, in my opinion, ridiculousness. 

Who spends time choosing a restaurant for the food that they make...and then basically blows the whole restaurant's persona out of the water by telling the chef what and how to cook. It’s insulting. Don’t do it. I beg you. 
*end rant*